It's not my intention by any means. But it is my story.

A story I've sat on, considered, thought about, mulled over...for quite some time.

The last two years has been what I would consider a living hell. 

One loss, one heartbreak, one setback, one disappointment after the next...

Honestly, there were times that I truly felt I was not going to make it and I did not want to. I wanted to throw in the towel and just go live under a rock...to hell with all the trying so hard to be + do the most, because you know...there was all this work, all this preparation + planning.

All the hustle - for it to nearly all fall apart.

But one thing about me… I’ve been a fighter for my entire life that I can recall to memory. Every time it seemed something tried to take me out, take me down, or beat me, I fought harder.

I pushed myself more.

I stayed up longer, worked harder and applied myself in ways that often felt unnatural and inhumane.

But that’s the kind of will and persistence that I have inside.

Yet, still in the past two years, I have felt so many times like just giving up completely. Seriously.

It felt like no matter what I did or changed I made or new processes and thoughts. I tried to implement, everything just kept going to shit.

I’m talking from familial relationships, to being laid off from a very high profile role with an insane salary.

Then going nearly 2 years without any consistent income.

I could have gone back to my brand on Instagram. But honestly, I didn't want to do what I'd done before because it felt like everyone was doing it and it just didn’t feel good to me anymore. I like to be on the beginning side of things, and I purposely took time off from that to see where I was going to take it.

And finally, losing relationships with different members of my family that run wild with whatever thoughts they have over what I do or don't…fucking exhausting, tbh.

There were constantly, all of these circling thoughts in my mind. Nonstop, all day, every day, slowly bringing me down and breaking me into just a little pieces of who I used to be and who I thought I was.

Losing sight of myself, goals, self-esteem, my income, my security, my family ...all gone.

Until it was just me, alone, facing myself.

Whew. Now that's a monster.

Especially when you're a Libra / Dragon, obsessed with beauty, perfection + success.

If you know me, you know I make zero apologies for who I am. It's literally - who tf I am.

I lean all the way into me.

But I'm always doing so with the goal of self awareness, conscious leadership + growth!

There’s nothing quite as scary for me than being alone because I’ve never been alone. I was an only child, but doted on by basically everyone in my world.

Honor student, overachiever, cheerleader, debate champion...so I’ve always been popular and praised.

But then I married very young and had two sons just a couple years after. And until my baby boy moved out and just the last year, I had never been alone before in my entire life…

I always knew my role as a daughter, wife, and mother. But once those titles were less prevalent, and it was just me, I had no idea who or what I was.

It was easy to stand on defense for my sons and make sure that they were safe and happy and flourishing.

It was easy to be a giving, loving wife who took care of my man at home.

And it was easy to be an overachieving daughter because that is who I was raised to be.

But when it came to looking at myself in the mirror as someone who was just me, on my own… I no longer had an identity that was familiar to me.

Especially since that time came with some of the greatest losses that I have had.

Ongoing and greater arguments with my son, breaking away from expectations of my parent, and who I am versus who she wants me to be. 

A lifetime of bickering + massive toxicity with my ex-husband and his family.

And then there was me… the person I was in that moment.

Not the overachiever.

Not the winner...

The person who was crushing it irl...and now laid off!

Like what does that even mean? Did it mean I was fired?

I wasn't good enough?

I failed?

Or did my company fail me?

Did they take something away from my future that I'd worked for, sacrificed and shed blood, sweat + tears for?

Did they exploit and drain me? Leaving me without the resources and experiences I needed to move forward...while the heads of those companies profited, planned + proceeded with their lives...?

Did I fail myself? Was I overconfident? Did I show up as my best self more often than not? 

I felt lost. It was two years ago, and I still feel a loss for so many reasons that we dive into later on and dissect them all because there are so many major lessons in what I experienced.

Losing a job can feel like a blow to your self-esteem, leaving you questioning your worth and abilities. It's a tough pill to swallow, especially when you've poured your heart and soul into your work. The uncertainty of the future and the feeling of being let down by those you trusted can eat away at your confidence.

But amidst the chaos and turmoil, there is room for growth and self-reflection. It's a time to reassess, realign, and rediscover your true self. 

Here over the coming weeks, I'm peeling back layers of my experiences with you. 

I spent two years literally in hell.

And I’m sharing it all because, I don’t want that for you…

Be sure to subscribe to this list so that you don’t miss any of the details…

I’m probably gonna piss some people off...

Actually, yes...I will. Definitely.

But after taking two years to dissect it all… I’m pretty pissed off, too.

Despite the challenges, setbacks, and feelings of loss, there is always a silver lining waiting to be discovered. It is during these times of hardship that we often experience the most growth, learning, and healing. It's a period of self-reflection, reassessment, and rediscovery of our true selves.

While the journey may be tough, filled with uncertainty and doubt, it is essential to remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Your experiences, both the successes and the setbacks, shape you into a stronger, more resilient individual. Embrace the challenges, learn from them, and emerge on the other side with a newfound sense of self-worth and determination.

So, let's dive deep into these experiences, peel back the layers, and uncover the valuable lessons that lie within.

Subscribe to stay tuned for more insights and revelations as we navigate through the highs and lows of life's journey together. Let's embark on this transformative and empowering path of growth and healing.

Reply + let me know what you’re feeling in this moment. I will definitely be reading every message.

Buckle up, babes. 

Xx, Tori